the love we deserve
by Myrime
Summary: and you are but a porcelain doll covered in cracks. one day you will shatter into a million little pieces (and isn't that what you've been waiting for all along?) - lily potter and coping (or not)


the love we deserve

.

sometimes you think you are but a

porcelain doll

covered in too bright ink

to hide the c/r/i/s/s-c\r\o\s\s map

of [scars] beneath

(one day you'll crack

and who will be there to catch you then?)

.

you smile oh-so-prettily

to keep your mouth from screaming

and _redred_ lips leave

traces of crimson in the air

(guilt and hate and fucked-up emptiness

cause you don't know who you are,

don't you, child?)

.

everyone knows _you_, though,

you're the daughter of the chosen one,

didn't you know

hero and saviour

(and br/ok\en child)

you see him smiling at the

[cupboard under the stairs]

he turns and says

_all is well_

(and you wonder what else he is lying about)

.

jamie promises it doesn't matter

you've got him and al

and no one else is

~important~

enough for you to care

(still he comes home _drunk_ and _desperate_)

((and when he falls into your arms

you don't tell him sweet [lies],

you just count another crack))

.

al laughs about you

(bloody gryffindors, he drawls)

_your paint is fading_

_go and get _whole_ again_

_before the world sees who we are_

(he never had problems with masks, had he?

slytherin taught him well,

or maybe it was your parents,

never being whole themselves)

.

remember that diary your mother burned?

(you heard her ~screaming~ that night

and you never dared to ask

what she dreamed about)

part of you turned to b.i.t.t.e.r ash with it

but you were glad

(because no one can find your secrets

when they're [dead] and gone)

.

and you started burning all the things

you cared about

(_that necklace from aunt luna, to keep the nargles at bay,_

_that photo of teddy and you, smiling innocently,_

_that first broom, that let you feel free_)

it didn't help at all, did it

darling girl?

.

that's when jamie introduces you to

firewhiskey

you gotta burn the [roots], after all,

to keep the weeds from returning

(you ask if it helps,

he laughs

_whatever does?_)

.

_potter_

(that's a curse

you'll never escape from)

you will never be _just_ lily

the girl with the flaming hair

and killing-curse-green eyes

(you hated how they had a free place for you

at the gryffindor table

before you were even sorted,

cause, surely, there wouldn't be another

[mistake]

like al)

.

you never thought you were b.r.a.v.e

but reckless,

oh dear

(ms. potter, the forest is ~forbidden~ for a reason;

that broom isn't made for such stunts;

sneaking out of school to get drunk;

midnight duels)

_stupidrashreckless_

then you wear your most

[innocent] smile

and flash your name at them

(and all is well)

.

your mum is ever so disappointed

(but she shakes her head and keeps up her strained smiles)

and your dad is clue/less

(but he loves you so much and that's more important than anything else)

and uncle ron thinks it's _hilarious_

(but he's secretly glad hugo and rose aren't as fucked up)

and aunt hermione always offers to talk

(as if talking has ever made anything better)

.

teddy holds you at arm's length

taking in the [shadows] under your eyes

and the half-ripped clothes

and – is that a tattoo on your shoulder-blade?

(he sighs and smiles and hugs you tightly

and he doesn't say a word)

he understands

(and goes back to hiding behind his own masks)

.

somehow you manage to get through school

and stand before the great

[nothing]

that is your life

(and you don't bother anymore,

you just wink at the reporters

and order a new bottle of odgen's finest)

.

in the mornings

when jamie reads the new

title story of

_chosen children wasting away_

_potter kids going dark_

snickering and already done with another couple of glasses

you grin and think

[all is well]

.

and your are but a porcelain doll

so very ~fragile~

and covered in cracks

one day it will be too much

and you will shatter into a

million little pieces

(and isn't that what you were waiting for

all along?)

* * *

Review please? Thanks for reading!


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